Location Tracking as Abuse: How Family Safety Apps Became Tools of Intimate Partner Violence, Stalking, and Coercive Control (2025 Crisis)

PART 1: THE HIDDEN CRISIS - Location Tracking as Abuse Weapon

The Lilie James Case: When Safety Apps Enable Murder

October 2023: A Preventable Tragedy

Lilie James, 21-year-old water polo coach, was murdered by her ex-boyfriend Paul Thijssen in a cathedral school bathroom.

What preceded the murder:

• Thijssen displayed obsessive monitoring
• Physical stalking (driving past her residence multiple times)
• Snapchat location tracking (monitoring her location in real-time)
• Recruiting surveillance (enlisting friends to watch her at parties)
• Escalating coercive control behaviors

The Enabler: Snapchat

Snapchat's Snap Map feature allowed Thijssen to see James's location at all times.

She trusted him with location access. He used it to stalk, monitor, and ultimately to plan her murder.

The Misinterpretation:

A friend of James's believed Thijssen's monitoring was a sign of love and care.

This is the central tragedy of the location tracking abuse crisis: People confuse surveillance with affection.

The Normalization of Location Tracking

The Research (2025):

Survey of 1,000+ young people aged 16-25:

• 100% had either used location-sharing apps themselves OR knew someone who had
• Majority believed tracking a partner's location indicated "protective actions and trust"
• Most misinterpreted location monitoring as a sign of love
• Few recognized monitoring as a warning sign of control

The Escalation of Normalization:

Stage 1: Parents track children's locations (legitimate safety concern)

Stage 2: Young people normalize location sharing (it's what their parents did)

Stage 3: Romantic partners expect location sharing (the pattern continues)

Stage 4: Location sharing becomes condition of relationship (coercive control)

Stage 5: Resistance to location sharing is interpreted as betrayal (control escalates)

By the time young people recognize the control is abusive, they're trapped.

The Statistics (2025)

Location Tracking in Intimate Partner Violence:

• 62% of domestic violence experts report location tracking as primary tool of coercive control
• 1 in 3 survivors of intimate partner violence report technology-enabled abuse
• Location tracking is present in 50%+ of coercive control cases
• Escalates to physical violence in 40%+ of cases with location tracking component
• Murder risk increases when location tracking is weaponized for stalking

The Apps Enabling Abuse:

• Life360 (marketed as "family safety," used for partner surveillance)
• Snapchat Snap Map (location visible to selected contacts)
• Find My (Apple's location sharing feature)
• AirTags ($29 device, secretly placed for stalking)
• Google Family Link (marketed for parental control, used for partner monitoring)

The Technology-Enabled Abuse Crisis:

Location tracking has become the most common form of technology-enabled abuse.

More prevalent than:

• Text message monitoring
• Social media account hacking
• Photo/video exploitation
• Online harassment

Why? Because location tracking apps are legal, normalized, and designed for legitimate purposes.

Which makes them perfect for abuse.

PART 2: HOW LOCATION TRACKING ENABLES COERCIVE CONTROL

The Psychology of Location Tracking Abuse

The Control Mechanism:

Location tracking enables an abuser to:

• Monitor where victim goes
• Know with whom victim spends time
• Determine victim's schedule and routines
• Prevent victim from going certain places
• Isolate victim from support networks
• Escalate if victim goes "unauthorized" places

The Psychological Impact:

Victim experiences:

• Constant awareness of being watched
• Loss of autonomy (decisions limited by tracking)
• Anxiety (fear of abuser's reaction if "wrong" location)
• Hypervigilance (always aware of location signals)
• Isolation (avoiding places to avoid conflict)
• Normalization (viewing tracking as normal/acceptable)

The Power Imbalance:

Abuser has information victim doesn't:

• Abuser knows victim's location in real-time
• Victim doesn't know abuser knows
• Abuser can intercept victim anywhere
• Victim feels trapped

This information asymmetry is core to abusive relationships.

The Escalation Path

Stage 1: Normalization

"I want to be able to reach you in emergencies."

Location sharing seems reasonable. Victim complies.

Stage 2: Legitimation

"It's a sign of trust. If you don't share your location, you don't trust me."

Refusing location sharing becomes interpreted as relationship betrayal.

Stage 3: Obligation

"You have to share your location. It's non-negotiable."

Location sharing becomes mandatory condition of relationship.

Stage 4: Monitoring

Abuser checks location frequently, questions why victim was at certain places, becomes upset if victim goes "unauthorized" locations.

Stage 5: Isolation

"Don't go to that friend's house. Don't go to that bar. Don't go there."

Abuser uses location data to restrict victim's movements.

Victim modifies behavior to avoid abuser's disapproval.

Stage 6: Control

Victim is now isolated, controlled, and knows they're being watched.

Abuser has complete knowledge of victim's whereabouts and associations.

Stage 7: Escalation

"I saw you were at your mother's house. Why didn't you tell me? Who else was there?"

Abuser uses location data as evidence of "deception."

Accusations and conflict escalate.

Stage 8: Violence

"I know where you are. Don't try to leave."

Location data is used to threaten, pursue, prevent escape.

Physical violence becomes imminent.

This is the pathway from location tracking app to intimate partner violence.

PART 3: THE AIRTAG STALKING CRISIS

The Design That Enabled Stalking

AirTags: Designed for Finding Lost Items, Used for Stalking

Apple's AirTag ($29):

• Small device (size of coin)
• Discreet enough to hide in pocket, car, backpack
• Accurate location tracking
• Marketed as "stalker-proof"
• Actually perfect for stalking

Why AirTags Became Stalking Weapon:

1. Affordability: $29 is cheap enough to buy and place on victim without detection
2. Accuracy: GPS location accurate to tens of meters
3. Stealth: Size allows concealment
4. Integration: Works seamlessly with Apple ecosystem
5. Subtlety: Victim might not realize they're being tracked

The Stalking Process:

1. Abuser places AirTag in victim's car, purse, or clothing
2. Abuser tracks victim's location in real-time through iPhone
3. Victim is unaware they're being tracked
4. Abuser knows:
   • Where victim is at all times
   • Where victim goes when they think they're alone
   • Whom they meet
   • How long they're there

The Class Action Lawsuit Against Apple

Hughes v. Apple, Inc. (2024)

Multiple stalking victims sued Apple for:

• Negligence
• Strict product liability
• Failure to implement adequate safety features

The Court's Finding:

"Common sense alone compels the conclusion that harm from stalking is a foreseeable consequence of making and selling a tracking device, especially a small, affordable, consumer-friendly tracking device."

Court found Apple had duty to implement better safety features.

Why This Matters:

Court acknowledged:

• Stalking is foreseeable consequence of AirTag design
• Apple knew about risks
• Apple chose not to implement adequate protections
• Victims injured by Apple's negligence

The Inadequate Safety Features:

• Victims can only disable AirTag once they physically find it
• Detection requires victim to already suspect tracking
• No proactive way to search for AirTag if victim suspects stalking
• Alerts come too late or are unclear
• Some victims don't understand alerts

Current Status (2025):

• Multiple states passing AirTag-specific stalking laws
• Apple implementing modest safety improvements
• But AirTags remain popular stalking tool
• Similar devices (Samsung SmartTags, Tile trackers) have same risks

PART 4: THE LIFE360 COERCIVE CONTROL PROBLEM

Marketed as Safety, Used for Control

Life360: The "Family Safety" App

Marketed features:

• Parents can see children's location
• Emergency notifications
• Family safety dashboard
• Peace of mind

The Dark Reality:

• Intimate partners use it to track each other without consent
• Parents use it beyond legitimate ages (tracking adult children)
• Partners use it as condition of relationship ("you have to share")
• Location refusal interpreted as infidelity

Why Life360 Enables Abuse:

1. Legitimacy: App is for family safety, so tracking seems legitimate
2. Integration: Becomes normalized family practice
3. Normalization carries forward: Young people expect location sharing in relationships
4. Difficulty opting out: Refusing location sharing creates relationship conflict

The Research Finding (2025):

Australian eSafety Commissioner survey:

• 1 in 10 young Australians believe it's "reasonable" to track a partner's location
• Many don't recognize location monitoring as controlling behavior
• Most believe tracking indicates care and commitment

This normalization is the real danger of Life360.

It's not that the app is inherently abusive.

It's that it normalizes location surveillance to the point where intimate partner tracking becomes expected.

PART 5: SNAPCHAT'S SNAP MAP - The Invisible Surveillance

Snap Map: Location Exposed to Friends

How Snap Map Works:

Snapchat users can:

• Share location on Snap Map
• Make location visible to friends
• See friends' locations in real-time
• Control who sees their location

Why Snap Map Enables Stalking:

1. Visibility: Location is displayed on map in real-time
2. Precision: Shows location down to specific address
3. Normalization: Young people share locations routinely
4. Lack of awareness: Many don't realize how much location reveals
5. Control: Partners can demand to be on "visible to" list as condition of relationship

The Lilie James Connection:

Thijssen used Snap Map to monitor James's location in real-time.

Young people view Snap Map as casual, fun way to see where friends are.

They don't recognize it as powerful surveillance tool.

Abusers exploit this.

PART 6: DETECTING LOCATION TRACKING ABUSE

Signs You're Being Tracked

Suspicious Behavior by Partner:

• Knows your location without you telling them
• Asks where you are frequently
• Shows up at unexpected places
• Becomes angry if you go certain places
• Monitors how long you stay places
• Questions your location or timings
• Accuses you of lying about where you are

Your Own Behavior Changes:

• You start avoiding certain locations
• You change your routines to minimize conflict
• You ask permission before going places
• You feel anxiety about where you go
• You avoid friends/family to prevent conflict
• You stay home more to avoid questions

Technical Signs:

• Battery drains faster than normal (location tracking uses battery)
• Apps you don't recognize installed on phone
• Strange notifications about location
• Finding unfamiliar devices in your belongings/car
• Phone gets hot frequently (location tracking increases processor use)

Checking if You're Being Tracked

iPhone Users:

1. Go to Settings → Privacy → Location Services
2. Check which apps have location access
3. Look for unfamiliar apps with location access
4. Check Find My: Settings → [Your Name] → Find My → Find My iPhone
5. See who has access to your location

Android Users:

1. Settings → Location
2. Review which apps have permission
3. Check Find My Mobile or Google Family Link
4. Look for unfamiliar device tracking apps

Physical Tracking Devices:

Search your:

• Car (under seats, in wheel wells, bumper)
• Backpack/purse
• Phone (case, battery, SIM card tray)
• Bedroom (nightstand, under mattress)
• Clothing (jacket pockets)

Look for:

• AirTags or similar Bluetooth trackers
• Magnetic devices
• Unusual attachments

Digital Safety Planning for Tracked Victims

Immediate Steps:

1. Safety first: If in danger, contact domestic violence hotline
2. Document abuse: Screenshot tracking evidence
3. Remove tracking: Disable location in apps, remove AirTags if found
4. Change passwords: Use different passwords unknown to abuser
5. Create secret communication: Use new email/phone abuser doesn't know

Medium-Term Steps:

1. Legal protection: File protective order if in danger
2. Professional help: Contact domestic violence specialist
3. Information removal: Remove personal data from brokers (reduces tracking)
4. Device security: New phone if current one compromised
5. Safe communication: Use domestic violence organization resources

Escape Planning:

Leaving tracked relationship requires:

• Safe location planned
• New phone unknown to abuser
• Documentation of abuse
• Law enforcement support
• Restraining order if necessary
• Ongoing monitoring for safety

PART 7: THE INFORMATION REMOVAL CONNECTION

Why Data Brokers Amplify Location Tracking Abuse

The Problem:

If abuser knows your:

• Current address
• Workplace address
• Family member addresses
• Phone numbers
• Daily routines

They can use location tracking apps to monitor movement between these locations.

They can predict where you'll be.

They can intercept you.

Data Brokers Provide This Information:

700+ data brokers maintain:

• Your home address
• Workplace address
• Phone numbers
• Family member information
• Previous addresses
• Financial information

Abusers can purchase this information and combine with location tracking apps.

The Escalation:

Abuser with location tracking app + data broker information = complete surveillance and control.

How Data Removal Helps:

By removing personal information from data brokers:

• Abuser loses reference points for predicting your location
• Cannot use old addresses to intercept you
• Cannot use family member information to predict your movements
• Cannot use phone numbers to track you
• Reduces information asymmetry

This is why data removal is part of survivor safety planning.

PART 8: FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Q: Is it illegal for my partner to track my location without consent?

A: Yes, in many jurisdictions.

Laws vary, but many states have:

• Stalking laws
• Technology-enabled abuse statutes
• Cyberstalking provisions
• Non-consensual location tracking laws

However, enforcement is inconsistent.

If you're being tracked without consent:

• Document evidence
• Contact police
• Seek protective order
• Contact domestic violence organization

Q: How do I turn off location sharing without causing conflict?

A: Direct answer: You shouldn't have to hide turning off location sharing.

If you can't turn it off without your partner becoming angry, that's a warning sign.

If safe: Turn off location sharing directly.

If not safe: Contact domestic violence hotline for help.

Q: Can someone track my iPhone location without my permission?

A: Yes, several ways:

1. Find My without permission (if they know your Apple ID password)
2. Life360 or similar apps (if installed on your phone)
3. AirTag hidden on you (tracking via Bluetooth)
4. Jailbroken phone (if they have physical access)

Protections:

• Change Apple ID password
• Review Find My permissions
• Check installed apps
• Search for tracking devices
• Change phone if compromised

Q: Is parental location tracking of teens the same as intimate partner tracking?

A: No, but it can normalize unhealthy behavior.

Legitimate parental tracking:

• Age-appropriate (younger children need more monitoring)
• Transparent (child knows they're tracked)
• Discussed openly
• Respects developing autonomy

Abusive partner tracking:

• Secretive
• Non-consensual
• Combined with other controlling behaviors
• Escalates conflict

The concern is that children who grow up with constant parental tracking may:

• Accept location surveillance in relationships
• Not recognize partner tracking as abusive
• Become habituated to control

This is why digital boundary education is important.

Q: What should I do if I find an AirTag in my possession?

A: Safety first:

1. Don't confront the placer. They may become violent.
2. Document it: Photo of where you found it, when
3. Disable it: Remove battery if possible
4. Keep it: Don't leave it behind; keep as evidence
5. Report it: File police report with evidence
6. Seek help: Contact domestic violence organization

Do not:

• Ignore it (tracking will continue)
• Confront abuser directly (may trigger violence)
• Place it back (maintains tracking)

Q: How can I escape a relationship where I'm being tracked?

A: Contact specialist:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
• Local domestic violence organization
• Law enforcement (if in immediate danger)
• Lawyer (for protective orders, custody issues)

Safety planning requires:

• Safe location (friend, shelter, hotel)
• New phone (unknown to abuser)
• New email (unknown to abuser)
• Documentation of abuse
• Legal protection

This is complex. Professional help is essential.

Q: Are there any legitimate uses for location tracking in relationships?

A: Yes, but with important conditions:

Legitimate uses:

• Both partners knowingly agree
• Either partner can turn it off anytime
• Used for emergencies only, not control
• Not combined with other controlling behaviors
• Not used to restrict movement
• Not a condition of relationship
• Transparent about usage

If you feel you can't turn off location sharing without consequences, that's not legitimate use. That's control.

Q: Will DisappearMe.AI help if I'm being tracked?

A: DisappearMe.AI helps with data removal aspect:

• Removes your information from 700+ data brokers
• Reduces information available to stalkers/abusers
• Real-time monitoring alerts if new exposure detected
• Provides resources for victims

But professional domestic violence help is primary:

• Hotlines provide safety planning
• Specialists understand coercive control
• Organizations provide shelter
• Lawyers provide legal protection
• Counselors provide psychological support

DisappearMe.AI works alongside (not instead of) domestic violence services.

CONCLUSION

Location tracking abuse is a hidden crisis affecting millions.

Apps designed for family safety (Life360, Snapchat, Find My) are weaponized for coercive control.

Devices designed for convenience (AirTags) are used for stalking.

Young people are normalized into accepting location surveillance as love.

The path from location tracking to intimate partner violence is well-established.

The murder of Lilie James is not an anomaly—it's the tragic endpoint of a pattern of location tracking abuse.

Recognition and prevention require:

• Understanding how apps enable abuse
• Recognizing signs of location tracking control
• Supporting survivors in escape
• Removing data that enables tracking
• Legal and policy responses

If you're being tracked, you're not alone. Help is available.

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References

• The Screen Time Consultant. (2025). "Tracking Your Kids Doesn't Keep Them Safe." Retrieved from https://thescreentimeconsultant.com/resources/essays/tracking-your-kids-doesn-t-keep-them-safe

• American SPCC. (2025). "How GPS Technology Can Help Prevent Child Wandering and Danger." Retrieved from https://americanspcc.org/gps-technology-prevent-child-wandering-and-danger/

• MediaNama. (2025). "DPDP Rules - Does Tracking Children Sans Parental Consent Keep Them Safe?" Retrieved from https://www.medianama.com/2025/11/223-dpdp-rules-tracking-children-parental-consent/

• BrandVM. (2025). "Family Safety vs Privacy: Ethical Approaches to Child Location Monitoring." Retrieved from https://www.brandvm.com/post/family-safety-vs-privacy-ethical-approach-to-child-location-monitoring

• Scientific American. (2024). "How GPS Tracking of Teens 24/7 Impacts Parent-Child Relationships." Retrieved from https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-gps-tracking-of-teens-24-7-impacts-parent-child-relationships/

• Harvard Law School. (2024). "Apple AirTag Stalking Class Action Survives Motion to Dismiss." Retrieved from https://jolt.law.harvard.edu/digest/suggested-article-title-airtag-stalking-class-action-survives-motion-to-dismiss

• The Conversation. (2025). "Location-sharing apps are enabling domestic violence. But young people aren't aware of the danger." Retrieved from https://theconversation.com/location-sharing-apps-are-enabling-domestic-violence-but-young-people-arent-aware-of-the-danger-2539

• West Virginia University. (2022). "Defend Your Data: Protect yourself against non-consensual location tracking." Retrieved from https://enews.wvu.edu/articles/2022/01/27/defend-your-data-protect-yourself-against-non-consensual-location-tracking

• Florida State University. (2025). "GPS Monitoring Technologies and Domestic Violence." Retrieved from https://criminology.fsu.edu/sites/g/files/upcbnu3076/files/2021-03/GPS-Monitoring-Technologies-and-Domestic-Violence-Introduction.pdf

• AdAmigo. (2025). "Meta Housing Ads Policy: Real Estate Compliance Tips." Retrieved from https://www.adamigo.ai/blog/meta-housing-ads-policy-real-estate-compliance-tips

• Australian eSafety Commissioner. (2024). "Young People's Perception of Location Tracking in Relationships." Retrieved via The Conversation source

• National Domestic Violence Hotline. Retrieved from https://www.thehotline.org

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